Not even a record-breaking fever, and a stomach flu so bad that I spent time in ER, can make this movie anything more than an extraordinary achievement in celebrity scheduling. It’s too bad, because every ingredient is here (they used them all, seriously), but they forgot to include the heart of a Spider-Man film. It’s all corporate pizzazz with no pathos.
And boy, it doesn’t need to be this long! You could just about fit an entire Lord of the Ring in here.