I was super super super hyped for this, and we had opening night tickets and didn’t end up going, because COVID was coming back hard. So I finally got the chance to see it on iTunes, and guess what? Not as good as the hype y’all made it out to be. 

This was fun and fine, but here’s the deal: Marvel films spend the last ten minutes getting me hyped for the next movie, but spend the first 130 minutes under delivering. And that sucks. 

And while this major problem happens with every Marvel movie, it’s worse with this one. Because we know what great Spider-Man movies look like. We’ve had at least 3 (1, 2, and Spider-Verse). And we all know that a great Spider-Man movie is filled with heart, and just like the comics, tells a great story about a person burdened with too much responsibility learning to cope with it and doing the right thing anyway. Because it’s right, and that’s what a hero does. 

These films work best in contained stories, when — at the most — New York City is at stake. Spider-Man is best when he isn’t in the Avengers, even though him being in the Avengers is cool as heck. 

So I’m stoked that maybe we’ll see smaller, more contained Spider-Man films in the future. But it took over two hours of fan service and cramped, over-stuffed plotting to get me there. 

Maybe we don’t need fan service. Maybe studios need to win fans’ hearts again, and not just assume we’re all here for the triumph of capitalism and action figure licensing. 

I just want a film to make me believe in heroes again.

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