I wrote a play with pretty similar beats in high school. What I’m trying to say is that this script isn’t very good. It’s conceptually weak, it’s more than a little played out, and the jokes (I think they’re jokes?) don’t land.
I know for a fact that my high school drama teacher would have rejected it and said to try writing something funnier.
I guess money can buy you happiness, but if you’re Apple, it can’t buy you a good screenplay.